Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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