I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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