that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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