so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
