Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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