I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
