I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
