I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
