i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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