And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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