I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
