Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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