Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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