the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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