**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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