Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
