The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
