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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
