Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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