i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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