the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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