i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
