im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
