theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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