god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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