the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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