i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
