It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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