so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
