I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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