Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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