Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
