He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize