We're like a lot better than the average bears
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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