Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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