PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
