i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize