I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
bring money and cleavage
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
