I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
