look no pants
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
