Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
