all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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