Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
