Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
