When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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