That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
