I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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