so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
