Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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