...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize