I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
