New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
