You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
