I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize