Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
