You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
