If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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