That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
