OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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