Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize