I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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