you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bring money and cleavage
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
