I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize