oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
