i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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