This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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