how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize