no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
