'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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