In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
