If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize