Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
