I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
