Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
