he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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